S2E7: Another IMDB Line for Rob Schneider

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Previously: Judge Raisin was a thing (his actual name is Happy Boyle, which I’ll be using in this recap for reasons that will soon become apparent), Stefan got flushed then slammed and was in a coma, Nelle asked Cage out, Ling saw naked Whipper. Phew.

Richard is in a stall in the Unisex when Cage climbs over the stall door to talk to him. He inquires about Richard’s love triangle, but quickly interrupts to say that he’s nervous about kissing Nelle, and he wants instructions like Ling gave Richard. Richard stands up, and guides him through the motions of the head tilt and keeping the lips soft, and his hands are way too close to both their faces for where they are right now. We see that Nelle and Elaine are eavesdropping over by the sinks, and they make their presence known, embarrassing all involved parties. Continue reading “S2E7: Another IMDB Line for Rob Schneider”

S2E6: FOX Turned into a Hardcore Sex Channel So Gradually, I Didn’t Even Notice

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Okay gang, we got the new script, and the frog is front and center again this week.

No previouslies, as we dive right into Cage telling a woman they can’t win her case. Ally agrees, assuring her that “making love is wonderful” (*shudder*), but apparently this client is a nun so that’s a no-go. She’s suing the church because she was fired after breaking this vow of celibacy. Cage tells her the case would be a total “Hail Mary”, and at least has the decency to excuse his terrible pun. Ally and Cage rehash a bit in the Unisex, where she rants that they seem to be a magnet for strange cases about sex. What did I say about pointing out your weaknesses without changing them, show? During Ally’s tirade, Cage has left but Nelle has entered, and makes fun of her coworker’s flailing. I don’t care, Nelle is sane and adorable. Ally says she’s late for court and literally skips out.

Renee and Ally are doing a walk and talk outside the courthouse, when a man calls Renee’s name. She seems stunned to see this guy, Matt, who she introduces to Ally as an old friend. Matt’s at court for a copyright issue at his company and heads off. When Ally requests details, Renee reveals that Matt is “her Billy”, and Ally asks why she’s never heard of him before. “I don’t do that,” says Renee. Damn, for a best friend she’s ice cold. Continue reading “S2E6: FOX Turned into a Hardcore Sex Channel So Gradually, I Didn’t Even Notice”

S2E5: Ritterless

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Guys, did we want to up the CGI budget for the realistic frog this ep? …guys?

Previously: Cage fell down the stairs in front of Nelle, Ally and George flirted, Stefan the frog was a thing (told you), George was dating Elaine and had a wiggle walk, Ally roundhoused a child lawyer, Ally liked George… what even is going to happen in this episode?!

The first thing that happens is that on her walk to work, Ally comes across a woman sitting on the curb, crying. She asks if the woman is okay, earning a rude “what does it look like?” type answer. Ally is rude back (apparently you shouldn’t cry in public if you don’t want to be comforted), and the woman informs her that she was just diagnosed with “acute courtesy disorder”, which makes her rude. When she calls Ally a bitch for good measure, Ally stalks off, but the crying woman (we’ll discover her name is Hannah, and I’m just going to start that here so I’m not typing “Acute Coutesy Disorder Woman” every five words) follows her and chucks her purse at our protagonist. Ally is pissed now, and roundhouse kicks Hannah into a magazine rack. At this point a cop intervenes, and takes us into the credits. Continue reading “S2E5: Ritterless”

S2E4: Upskirt Shots Fired

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And if you look to your left, you’ll see scandaaaallll!

Previously: Renee said the dudes at the courthouse love Ally’s short skirts, Ling was vicious but went out with Richard, Nelle asked out Cage.

Ally is dancing in her apartment like nobody’s watching (“Superfreak” in the background), but soon enough Renee walks in and spoils the illusion. She turns off the song but Ally keeps dancing, so I guess the music really is always in her head. Ally says she’s practicing for a party they’re having, because dancing at the bar is more about composure and doesn’t count. She needs to practice dancing like she’s the only one in the room (as I said), causing Renee to ask how that’s any different than usual. Touche.

At C&F, Ally is inviting everyone at work to the party when she bumps into– and spills coffee on– John Ritter, who is apparently her 9:00 appointment. The show has been way better about names this season: we find out immediately that his name is George, and he has a wrongful termination case. He was referred to the firm by Elaine, who incidentally is also the one who convinced him to sue. He leaves to clean up, and Ally has a coffeegasm a la last season while she stares after him with lust. Continue reading “S2E4: Upskirt Shots Fired”

S2E3: Our First Retcon

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Trust me, you don’t want to know.

At C&F, Elaine and Ling (who’s back to see Nelle) run into each other at the elevator and stare at each other coldly. Nelle joins them and breaks up the potential catfight with a backhanded compliment to Elaine. Ling and Nelle go off to talk to Richard and Georgia approaches, giving Elaine an opportunity to call Ling a “bitchy little thing”, and suggest that maybe she has a new lawsuit because “her gynecologist pulled the wrong tooth”. A good a comment as any to take us into the credits.

Post-credits, we join Georgia and Richard in medias res, as Georgia scolds him for making her take Ling’s new case, where she’s suing a woman because her breasts are real. This should be good. Richard declares that Billy will be second chair, and it’ll take one deposition before they settle. But that’s all he’s got for her right now, as Mark, the minister of his church (as seen in the “Short People” episode), has arrived.

Georgia vents to Billy in the Unisex while they check for spies in the stalls: she thinks they’re only taking these ridiculous Ling cases because of Nelle’s hire. Billy thinks it’s Richard’s poor judgment that creates the chaos, and asks Georgia what her problem with Nelle really is. Georgia admits it’s kind of her very existence, since she’s no longer the “fairest one of them all” at the firm. Of course, as she makes this sheepish admission, a toilet flushes and dramatic music plays as Ally exits a stall. She’s delighted to see Georgia’s weakness, although pissed that Georgia thinks she’s the prettiest, and Georgia responds that Ally is ranked in her own universe.

Continue reading “S2E3: Our First Retcon”

S2E2: Would You Rather: Misogyny or Horse Meat?

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Previously: pretty much the whole last episode, plus Cage has a remote toilet flusher.

Nelle is in the Unisex again fixing her career-woman bun, and Cage remote-flushes and enters. They exchange greetings, then he stares at her and hears the heart drums as she puts on lipstick. Nelle turns around and asks if he’s drawn to her, down to the exact phrasing– apparently Richard tipped her off. As Ally enters, Nelle tells Cage that she has rules about dating coworkers, but makes them up as she goes. Once she’s departed, Ally declares, “It’s official: I hate her”. I’m not sure what it was about that that enforced your feelings, but duly noted.

Cage rushes out of the bathroom to confront Richard about telling his secrets, and unsurprisingly Richard mostly brushes him off. As Cage wrestles his suit jacket over his own head in frustration, Richard asks if he knows “shock jock” Harold Wick, as he’s a defendant in a case Nelle brought in. Now that the exposition has been properly installed, CREDITS!

At the staff meeting for this new case, Nelle is telling the rest of the gang that her client is Ling, a steel plant manager, who’s suing Wick for sexual harassment. Ready for this one? Ling is claiming that Wick hosts a sexually charged program, which contributes to the greater presence of sexually charged environments, especially in a workplace like a manufacturing plant. Lest you think the show is completely clueless, everyone else is in disbelief, and Billy calls it “laugh-out-loud ridiculous”. Continue reading “S2E2: Would You Rather: Misogyny or Horse Meat?”

S2E1: Maybe She Suffers from Sexlexia (+ an Update)

We’ll start with the update, because it’s sad news (and explains the hiatus): due to scheduling issues, our legal counsel Zeke is no longer recapping. Thus the break, while I figured out whether I could take this on alone. In the interim, I read some back posts, and other people started binging the show, and I realized I could not let David E. Kelley’s work stand without my withering commentary. So, if you’ll bear with me and my decidedly less technical knowledge, I promise that at least the feminist critique of Ally, and the side-eye at Cage & Fish’s “charming” quirk, will proceed apace. That being said:

 

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Spoiler alert: this is the look of women helping each other in the workplace

 

This season starts with a title card “In memory of Phil Leeds”. I have to do some quick research, and it turns out Judge Raisin died between season 1 and 2. That’s too bad, he was a good actor, so I have no jokes for that one.

Anyway, let’s remind ourselves of what happened last season: Ally was batshit insane and started therapy, Cage was drawn to a bunch of ladies, Ally fell down a lot, Cage fell out of bathroom stalls. The show’s quirky, remember?

Continue reading “S2E1: Maybe She Suffers from Sexlexia (+ an Update)”

Season 1 Rundown

Zeke: Hey Katie. You ready for this nonsense?

Katie: Absolutely.

Zeke: So Ally McBeal Season 1. That was certainly….something.

Katie: How did it compare to your expectations (if any)?

Zeke: Good question. I don’t think I had very many clear expectations, to be honest. I knew about VONDA and the Uncanny Baby, but not much else. So I guess I sort of thought that it would resemble other legal dramas that I’ve seen, by which I basically mean a few odd episodes of The Good Wife.

Katie: Oh, wow. No, this is in a whole different arena.

Continue reading “Season 1 Rundown”

S1E23: Premature Clip Shows

(Lead Counsel: Katie)

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It’s the season finale, motherfuckers! Let’s see what ridiculousness is in store for the end of season one. We pan into the Unisex, where Georgia and Elaine are grooming Ally’s hair, looking for the apparent green hairs she’s worried about. (Z: Wait, what? Is that a thing?) Bobby walks in to find Ally, because he needs an outside assist on his new case: two men want to switch hearts, because one has a congenital defect and the other wants to save his friend. Georgia and Elaine drool over Bobby, but the fawning is cut short when Cage does a gymnastics-level dismount out of a stall. Quirky! (Z: Seriously, what can he possibly be doing in there? How does he get that much leverage or momentum or whatever? David E. Kelly, I want you to draw me a diagram)

Post-credits, Ally explains the heart case to The Gang. The problem is that the hospital is refusing to do the switch, so they have to argue in front of a judge for a court order. Richard picks up his paycheck real quick by introducing the episode’s B-case: Cage’s second cousin is charged with misdemeanor battery, because he assaults happy people. They try to discuss how they’re up against Renee again, but Ally interrupts to yell about her green hair. I know this is definitely how I act in meetings. (Z: Yes, but then your boss doesn’t sniff your hair in meetings, which is how Richard reacts to Ally’s weird outburst) Continue reading “S1E23: Premature Clip Shows”

S1E22: Geriatric Crime!

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Today’s ep begins with Ally and John Cage going to prison to meet a client. They’ve been brought on board by another attorney, who is representing an elderly inmate who tried to escape a month before the end of his eighteen-year sentence. Extra time is being added to his sentence as punishment for the escape attempt. The outside attorney says he wanted Cage & Fish so that Cage can do “whatever it is you guys do that makes juries disregard the law.” So…bad writing?

Meanwhile, Richard, Elaine and Georgia discuss the week’s other case: a woman who was left at the altar and wants to sue her ex-fiance for causing her emotional distress. This is, as I’ve said before, almost certainly not a thing. Richard tells Georgia to meet with the woman and take the case if she’s ugly. Why? Duty to mitigate: a hottie could find a new man easily, but an uggo will be in trouble. For the record, duty to mitigate is a real thing: it means that if somebody does you wrong, but you don’t do anything to mitigate the harm that results, your damages will be reduced when you sue them. The trouble is that it only applies in things like contract disputes, not tort claims like this one, so Richard is spouting complete nonsense as usual. (K: Usually I can follow Richard’s blather with your help, but they have this one so twisted that I’m at a loss.) Anyway, Georgia is (rightly) skeptical and then VONDA starts singing the credits. Continue reading “S1E22: Geriatric Crime!”